I Know Why the Caged Bird Stopped Singing

America has lost a great poet. To be more precise: America has lost that one lady that talked with that voice and spoke at Presidents' Day or something and I think my mom had a book she wrote or something.

Maya Angelou, one of three poets without a day-job has died at age 86.

Dr. Angelou lived an amazing life. She rose to fame as a singer in 1950s San Francisco. She worked as a civil rights activist alongside Malcolm X and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. She was celebrated as one of the most inspirational poets of the modern day.

Perhaps her greatest accomplishment was a 2009 guest spot on Two and a Half Men, where she played a barfly who made out with Charlie Sheen.

Dr. Angelou will be greatly missed. If Charlie Sheen died, he most likely wouldn't be. Maybe the gang at the VD clinic would get misty, but that's about it.

Photo by Children's Television Workshop

H.R. Giger's Will Stipulates the Creepiest Fucking Coffin Possible

Design genius H.R. Giger has died at age 74, after sustaining injuries in a fall. A spokesman for Giger's family told Deathwatch that, in addition to being horribly saddened by his demise, their woes are compounded by Giger's request, stipulated in his will, that he be buried in "something that looks like a goat anally violating the Pope."

Giger apparently left some preliminary sketches for his coffin, but the family is considering burning them because they "gave us fucking horrendous nightmares."

One of the premiere surrealist artists of the modern era, the Swiss Giger is best known to Americans as the designer of the creature in the Alien movies. His instantly recognizable aesthetic helped lend the film series its otherworldly look, in addition to creeping most people the hell out.

Giger's work will live on, especially as posters in the dorm rooms of college guys who don't understand why women won't sleep with them.